I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
