Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
