He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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