I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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