well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My dick has a subreddit
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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