Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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