Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just high enough for therapy.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
