Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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