So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
