You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
