They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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