i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
