yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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