I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
dude i'm inner monologue high
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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