i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
