So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
