Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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