I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
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