We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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