i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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