Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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