Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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