I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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