then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
