I can text with my tongue
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
