I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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