And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
