you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
