And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
