He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
