32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
