i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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