girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
