I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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