I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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