All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
