he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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