it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
