these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
