you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
