...so i touched it.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Buhtt sex?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
