I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
