Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
well you can't waste a boner
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
