it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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