Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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