You're my little dorito
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
cat food counts as protein by the way
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
