Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
