Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
