What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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