well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
