dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
