Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
